Post by EvilAuthorAddyson on Jun 30, 2015 19:37:08 GMT -6
You have a very interesting concept. This has the potential for a great story.
However, (hopefully this isn't harsh) I think you need to elaborate a lot more (show, don't tell). It all seems to be moving very fast. I think if you flesh it out more, you won't have to worry about your characters being stiff. I'm really not sure what the setting is, but I think that would solve itself with fleshing out the story. Also, splitting some of the sentences in two would make it seem to flow a bit slower, which would help the pacing.
That being said, I'd love to read more! I hope this helps, and keep writing!
You have a very interesting concept. This has the potential for a great story.
However, (hopefully this isn't harsh) I think you need to elaborate a lot more (show, don't tell). It all seems to be moving very fast. I think if you flesh it out more, you won't have to worry about your characters being stiff. I'm really not sure what the setting is, but I think that would solve itself with fleshing out the story. Also, splitting some of the sentences in two would make it seem to flow a bit slower, which would help the pacing.
That being said, I'd love to read more! I hope this helps, and keep writing!
Thank you for the feedback and you were not being harsh at all. This is what I wanted some help with the flow of the plot. Thanks again!
Post by dragongirlwriter on Jul 1, 2015 16:52:44 GMT -6
Fascinating story idea, and good work! I think that Rae already mentioned everything that I wanted to But I would especially encourage adding some description at this point, which is where the questions I mentioned somewhere else might help. Example: what do you characters look like? You might add a description of what Chelsea looks like as she's coming up the street, or have Adeline visualize her when they're on the phone. This should keep everything going and give your readers an idea of what the characters are like, so they can connect with the story a little more easily.
Fascinating story idea, and good work! I think that Rae already mentioned everything that I wanted to But I would especially encourage adding some description at this point, which is where the questions I mentioned somewhere else might help. Example: what do you characters look like? You might add a description of what Chelsea looks like as she's coming up the street, or have Adeline visualize her when they're on the phone. This should keep everything going and give your readers an idea of what the characters are like, so they can connect with the story a little more easily.
Thank you for the ideas I'll definitely try to add that into my story line more!