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Post by Brie D on Jul 9, 2015 5:44:20 GMT -6
I'm have a problem with a few of my characters.
Adel doesn't seem nice enough for people to actually care about her. It's tricky because she is a bit rebellious. She's coming across as uncaring, manipulative and selfish. What she's rebelling against is mostly in her head. I have some idea of what to do. I'm thinking if I make it more obvious that she's not actually perfectly sane, people might be more sympathetic. Do you think that a girl who imagines that she's in a fairytale all the time and thinks she's being treated badly despite the fact that she really isn't is any good? It'll mean a lot of rewriting of course.
My other problem character is Liesl. She's supposed to be extremely shy and quiet and it isn't coming across right. Anytime she denies being as scared as Adel thinks she is, she sounds like a little girl. She has trouble standing up for herself. She does know what is right though and tries to be Adel's conscience. It doesn't work though. Sometimes she is too scared and other time she asserts herself more than I want.
This is a very rambling post, I'm afraid. I'm happy to clarify things if you need me to. Oh, Adel is almost 17 and Liesl is almost 19. They've been shut off from the outside world completely for the last 3 years. before that that they lived in a village where they had friends they occasionally had time to spend with. They live with there mother and a cousin. He's about 23. Their father is in the army.
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antsandepic
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Post by antsandepic on Jul 9, 2015 11:48:44 GMT -6
Hmmm...that is tricky. I think being isolated from the rest of the world might help people understand why Adel acts like she does (it would me anyways). Being frustrated with her situation I could see why she makes it seem worse in her head. Maybe have Adel feel annoyed with the way she is acting at times? Have her soften occasionally and be a little nicer at certain points? And Leisl...hmm, having a timid older sister and a younger spunkier sister is hard to write but maybe make Leisl a little more capable? Not exactly stronger, just give her some things that will make her seem a little older while still keeping the personallity you're going for? Idk, if that helped any, I'm not really good with giving advice in this area, but I don't think your character sounds half bad! I like the really flawed characters. I like watching them grow into something more. ~Epic~
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Post by Brie D on Jul 9, 2015 15:21:38 GMT -6
Thanks for that. I think another problem is that I'm not so good at sister relationships since I only have brothers.
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antsandepic
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Post by antsandepic on Jul 9, 2015 16:56:10 GMT -6
Thanks for that. I think another problem is that I'm not so good at sister relationships since I only have brothers. Your welcome! I have 5 sisters, one of them (Ants) is older than me and were really close...so I guess I get the sister thing a little more. P.S. I think us younger sisters are always a little more rebellious and sarcastic...but that's just my experience. ~Epic~
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Post by Brie D on Jul 9, 2015 20:01:41 GMT -6
That describes Adel fairly well. I'm going to incorporate a little bit of sarcasm. Liesl should be used to thing way Adel acts. I think part of the problem was she seemed too surprised, as if she didn't really know her that well.
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antsandepic
Apprentice
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Post by antsandepic on Jul 10, 2015 6:44:35 GMT -6
Maybe you could have Liesl a little more exasperated instead of surprised sometimes? Anyways, I can't wait to read this someday when it's published!!
P.S. I love your new profile picture!
~Epic~
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Post by Brie D on Jul 10, 2015 15:26:05 GMT -6
Hmm, that's a good idea.
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Post by rayray on Jul 10, 2015 20:15:03 GMT -6
I think you should just change their personalities a little and that might help
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Post by Brie D on Jul 10, 2015 23:25:13 GMT -6
That's what i'm trying to do. Kind of at least. They were inconsistent. Adel was supposed to be nicer. But when she did what i had planned it came out horrible. so I'm changing how somethings happened to make her more consistent.
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Post by rayray on Jul 11, 2015 7:30:31 GMT -6
how far are you into writing it?
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Post by Brie D on Jul 13, 2015 17:03:28 GMT -6
9,000 words. I know i'll have to do some major rewriting on the first bit. It's coming along alright now. I've been able to keep her fairly consistent in the last bit.
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